The Voice of Truth

My Fast: Day 2

2010-01-16T12:08:00.000-08:00

Depression overtook me on the second day. I stuck to my liquid diet, and allowed myself some chicken broth at lunch. Work was busy as usual, and it kept my mind off my hunger pains. Now looking back...work is not suppose to keep my mind off my hunger pains, spending time with God and reading the word is! I was trying to do it on my own..MY strength...
MY way.

I could tell I was not myself that day. I was so down, and I could not bring myself up. I continued about my day, spent some time with God and went to bed.

As you can tell, I just was not getting it.

My Fast: Morning of Day 2

2010-01-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

My second morning has not been too bad... so far. Of course, I am only an hour into it :) I woke up earlier than normal and was actually somewhat awake. I devoted the time when I would normally be drinking my coffee and eating breakfast to praying and reading the word. I will admit, my mind kept going to that coffee!

My stomach is growling like a lion and making noises that I didn't know it could make. I'm not that hungry, but I am a little shakey and weak. We'll see how irritable I am once I am around people!

I am going to try to do only water and juices today, and I pray the Lord will give me the strength to do my job with more energy and a better attitude than normal. I have to remember...I am working for the Lord, not for man (Col. 3:23)!

My Fast: Day 1

2010-01-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and my first thought went straight to coffee. And then I realized I couldn't have any. I think that stressed me out more than the not eating! I had to wake up early to drive to Birmingham for church, and I was going on very little sleep. As the morning progressed, I developed a bad headache, was extremely naucious (I guess from being hungry!? who knows!) and I was extremely tired. I was only a few hours into it, and all I could keep thinking was HOW am I going to do this? I am so weak!

On the way to Birmingham, I tried to mentally prepare myself of the sweet aroma of coffee that would be surrounding me when going into the church building. As soon as I walked in the doors, my nostrils were hit by that wonderful, freshly brewed smell of coffee. Every where I turned, a person had a cup in their hands...they even displayed it on the screen at church!

OK, so can you tell I am a coffee addict!?!?

The sermon at church was absolutely wonderful, but I could not control my thoughts of coffee and my hunger. I realized how much my life revolves around food! My mind kept jumping to, "where are we going to eat lunch after church?" And then I would realize, wait no, we won't be going anywhere to eat. So much of my life revolves around when my next meal or cup of coffee is going to be. This is most definitely a lifestyle change.

On the way back to Montgomery, I was miserable. I could not comprehend 21 days of no food. All I was going to try to do is get through today. I didn't know (and still don't!) if I had the strength to do it. So I came to a decision and goal...If I cannot completely go 21 days without food, each day I am going to fast something, whether it be a meal, social media or eating only fruits and vegetables. I feel it is so important to utilize these 21 days and to become closer to the Lord. But either way, I'm taking it one day at a time!

So after reflecting on my day, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Granted, I did sleep for four hours, and I have watched TV a bit much. The crazy thing is that I can still always find something to distract me from the Lord. That's something I have to work on.

But right now, the hunger pains are occurring and my stomach is growling, but I'm not suffering. I've drank some yummy cranberry juice :) One day down!

I am very worried about myself physically and mentally tomorrow for work. I was able to sleep today, but I definitely will not be able to do that tomorrow. I am praying for strength and for me to resist temptation!

Well, until tomorrow! God Bless!

Giving it ALL to Him

2009-05-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

So now the graduation countdown is four days. All that has been on my mind is finding a job and my future. What the heck am I going to do!? How am I going to make my own money and truly be independent? I feel I am at this incredibly amazing time in my life where I can do anything...go anywhere, yet I'm at a standstill. I'm stuck in between a world that is safe and that I know (college) and a world of unknown, independence and adventure.

In the past couple of months, God has revealed to me how much I like to have control of my life...well at least in certain aspects. The weird thing is, I'm not a controlling person when it comes to other people, just my life. The angst and anxiety of not knowing where I will be living or what I would be doing has driven me crazy! I want to know NOW.

Knowing that I should not worry and that God will provide in His time has been one of my greatest challenges while working on my relationship with Christ in the past few months. I know I'm not suppose to worry...but I struggle with it everyday. With my constant back-and-forth struggle of worrying and giving it to Him, it made me realize...I think this is a way for God to draw me closer to Him. This period of "the unknown" leaves me feeling helpless, and in turn, makes me Seek Him. I probably sound like a crazy person in my room at night because I will just sit there and talk to Him (yes, out loud) about what I'm struggling with.

Today, I have been studying...reading...e-mailing...and yes constantly thinking about who I can contact to discuss jobs and connections. I'm just sitting here waiting for a sign that basically says, "Elizabeth...this is the job you need to apply for and this is where you will live and prosper." Yeah I know that ain't happening.

But this morning, something clicked..and maybe it will just last for a day...but I just decided I'm not going to worry and I'm giving it to you, Lord. I had a sense of peace about me. Then, as I listened to Christian stations on Pandora Radio (which completely rocks!!!!), the song that speaks to me more than most came on: "Spoken For." It didn't give me any answers, but it let me know He has my heart and He is and will always be there for me. From there, I just felt I needed to read my Bible. I literally flipped it open to a random page, and there underlined from previous reading was Matthew 6:33-34.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

He is so awesome. He truly spoke to me through that verse. So my challenge today is to be without worry and to seek Him.

Graduation

2009-04-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Graduation is soon approaching. I am sitting here at AK's, about to go to my last class EVER at Auburn University. I knew this day was coming but now it's here. I don't know how to feel.

This is one of the most surreal times in my life. I am filled with excitement not to have to worry about studying for exams, doing projects and worrying about grades, yet I still question if I'm ready for the "real world."

Graduating high school was filled with excitement and a knowledge of where I was going and what I would be doing. I was going to be on my own..sort of...atleast out of my house and not living under my parents. I would be going to Auburn in the fall and I would go to school, go to football games and do all the other things college students do.

Graduating college is also filled with excitement, and much relief, but the knowledge of where I'm going and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life leaves me with an uneasy feeling. The days of skipping class and going to the pool, or taking a nap in the middle of the day are over. Am I really ready to be in the working world where I will be basically for the rest of my life?

The economy has not helped my uneasiness either. I was preparing to be independent and support myself...to finally lift some of the financial burden I put on my parents. Well with constant rejections from all the companies and organizations that I sent my resume to or applied to, I was starting to wonder what if I can't find a job? I'm young, I'm single and this is the time of my life where I can do ANYTHING and go ANYWHERE. Yet I had the sinking feeling (and still do) that I will have to go back home, continued to be supported by my family and fall into the comfort of home. This is where my patience and trust in God has been tested.

I have all these plans..where I want to go (Birmingham), what I want to do (well I still really don't know that but I just know I want a job in Bham). But I have to remember, it's not about me and what I want. I have been praying, and I ask anybody who is reading this to pray for me too, so that I find a job that I love and for Him to put me in a place that I can do great things.

This period in life of the unknown and what my future holds is exciting and probably one of the only times in my life where I only have to think about me. I will eventually get married (Lord willing) and have kids and that time will be all about my husband and my children. But now is MY time, and I pray that God gives me adventure and takes me out of my comfort zone to truly find myself and do what I am meant to do! Until that time, I will enjoy my last simplistic days as a college student and wait for what God has in store for me.

Lessons Learned

2009-04-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

I chose to name this blog "The Voice of Truth" because that's who I've been trying to listen to. I've become aware lately that for so long I've been listening to the devil as he has put thoughts and ideas in my head. It scares me how easily we believe what he says. For so long, I had the desire to change my life and have my relationship with Christ. But the thought that kept going through my head was, "You know you're going to fail. No matter what, you can't see yourself without the partying. What are you going to do?" And I believed it! Now I can identify it was the evil one, but before it's just a concept I struggled with.

I haven't blogged lately. And there is a reason. I did come down off of my "high." I will admit it. The first week after Honduras, it was great. Nothing could bring me down. I was living for Him and immersed myself in Him. Week two brought loneliness. I felt so alone in a place I've lived in for four years. However, in this pit of loneliness, it made me turn to God. I read my books and my Bible, I had great "me" time and I felt I was being "successful" in my walk with God.

Then week three. I lost sight. I was tired of feeling lonely, and I wanted to prove that I was still fun and hadn't become a complete loser. However the fun I was longing to have did not bring the same feelings of fulfillment the following day like it had in the past. Yes, I sinned. I messed up, but we do that everyday. My goal that week was not to let the sin and the devil drag me down. The devil wants our guilt and shame to weigh us down. I still wanted to prove that I could control myself and still have fun. So I finally allowed myself to be free and linger somewhat back to "the old days."

Have you ever felt like you could never be forgiven for something you did? Or you kept replaying something over and over again that you've done in your head. Well this occurred to me this past weekend. I layed in bed all day Saturday, playing the event(s) over and over in my head. I was depressed. I knew in my heart God had already forgiven me but I felt I deserved to sit there and punish myself by thinking about it. I lay there thinking how well I had been doing and how it all seemed to come crashing down in one night.

I would like to say that later that day, I allowed the burden to be lifted...but I didn't. I still read from the Bible and my Christian books, but the relationship with Him was not there. Finally, on Wednesday afternoon, something gave. I felt the loneliness again when nobody would answer my phone calls to go to the field with me. It was there, by myself in the field, that I came to recognize God's heart. HE created us. HE wanted us on this earth. He loves us so much that he sent HIS son to die a horrible death on the cross for OUR sins. Yes, he wants us to live in His way and His word, but most importantly....HE WANTS OUR HEARTS. It's that simple. He has conquered sin. I've heard that SO many times in my life but now it has finally started to settle in.

We are going to sin everyday, and no sin is bigger than the other. He wants us to love him and have a relationship with Him and THAT is what it's all about. AMEN!

When He Calls on Us

2009-04-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to AK's Coffee for my normal morning coffee and to do some reading. I've become quite a regular, so regular that David, the man who runs the shop, knows my order without me even saying it. I love it!

As I was reading, I couldn't help but over hear the conversation between him and another customer about the Zoe Adoption Fund. I heard something about raising money for adoption and immediately I became intrigued. I think adoption is amazing. After visiting Honduras, I am sure I will be adopting a Honduran baby in my future.

Driven by my curiousity, I went up to the counter and asked about the ZoeFund. He explained that he and his wife were trying to adopt a baby from the area and were going to name her Zoe. To adopt costs thousands of dollars, and so the Zoe Adoption Fund was set up to get this baby girl. He then handed me a card with the address to their blog and told me that I could read their story on the blog.

As soon as I got home I went to their blog because I was so intrigued. Their story gave me chills. David and his wife already had a child, but God spoke to them individualy and called them to adopt a baby. And so they started the process.

This amazes me. The Lord calls us to do things we do not understand and sometimes don't know if we have the strength to do. A husband and wife with a beautiful little girl were called to adopt a baby that was going to cost them thousands of dollars. Without knowing exactly how they were going to pay for it, they trusted in Him and followed through.

Our human nature is to say "Lord, there's no way!" David and his wife could have said "Sorry Lord, there is no way we can afford it." But they didn't. They trusted him and knew somehow He would provide.

I mean....how AWESOME is that!? We should ALL be that trusting. When God calls, we should listen and trust because He knows best!

That story just touched my heart today and had to share it!!!

Visit their blog and read their amazing story!! Zoe Adoption Fund

Fany

2009-03-31T13:05:00.000-07:00

From my Honduras journal...
My sweet, precious Fany. Ahh I love that child. The first day (well really the first couple of hours) we were in Honduras, we went straight to the poor village, Mirador. Mirador is poor. When I say poor, there is no running water, no electricity...they were lucky if they had a floor in their house. Anywho..back to Fany...

She is absolutely amazing. She is a beautiful, kind and quiet 10-year-old girl. From the moment we met, she stuck by my side. She held onto my hand or had her arm around my waist at all times. I would attempt to speak broken spanish..well really broken spanish words...but even without conversation, we had a special connection. She just loved on me and I loved on her. It beat any conversation we ever could have had.

When the ipod speakers were busted out in the village by my awesome friend Kaylee (she's such an awesome DJ!), I knew we had to dance. It was another way to bond without talking. Any activities that didn't involve talking, I was all about. Fany and I danced and twirled around. She didn't want to stop dancing! For those of you who don't know me, I LOVE to dance. I've always said the key to my heart is dancing. Well I knew when we were dancing around, laughing our heads off, I knew we were soulmates.

During the course of the day, I had given her my big green sunglasses that I had been wearing. I could just tell she loved those sunglasses. She wore them on her face and just smiled and when they weren't on her face, she kept them on her head.

We also brought coloring books for all the children so Fany and I sat down to color. I just sat there and played with her hair while she colored. Every picture she colored, she would give to me. I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but I had just met her that day and the only thing she could give me were her pictures that she colored, and she gave me all of them... someone she had only known for a couple of hours.

That day when it was time to leave, I was hugging her good-bye and attempted to tell her that I would be seeing her tomorrow. She took the sunglasses that were still on her head and handed them back to me. I had honestly thought she was just going to keep them and her handing them back just compelled me to tell her to keep them. So I pointed to her and pointed to the glasses, trying to explain that she could keep them. Her face lit up and you could just see the pure joy and thankfulness in her eyes. I of course cried when I got on the bus. (If you read more of my blogs, you find out that crying is a common theme in my stories.)

The next day we returned to the village and Fany ran to greet me with a ginormous hug and smile. Ahh...little things like that just warmed my heart. We saw each other sporatically throughout the day because she had school for most of the afternoon. Once she got out of school though, we were best buds, side by side.

I had been told right before we were about to leave that we would be coming back the next day for a little while. This relieved me because I was not prepared to say my good-byes. Just the thought of never seeing her again broke my heart. When she came to hug me good-bye I embraced her and told her "hasta manana" and kept repeating over and over again "manana!"

As we left Mirador, I was told we would not be returning tomorrow and only a select few who had been building the house were going back. My heart sank and I realized that I may never see her again. I felt such guilt. I had told her over and over again that I would be back tomorrow.

This feeling of guilt weighed on my heart all night. The only thing I could think to do was write her a letter and send it with one of the people going back to the site to finish building. That night, I sat down with a Spanish/English dictionary and with the help of my roommates, I wrote her a letter. The letter said (or what I think I said)...

Dear Fany,
I'm sorry I didn't get to say good-bye. I will miss you. You are beautiful and sweet. I hope you enjoy the sunglasses. I love you and Jesus loves you.
Love,
Elizabeth

I sent the letter with my roommate and prayed that night that someway, somehow she would get the letter.

The next day, the girl who gave her the letter ran up to me and told me she gave her the letter. She told me that she was one of a few kids that showed up to the construction site that day and she attempted to explain to her why I couldn't be there today. The letter was in her hands and I was so happy. The Lord made it happen.

I still think about Fany and pray for her. I pray to see her again when I go back to Hondo! (Ps-she is the little girl in my picture)

EA's Story

2009-03-31T00:18:00.000-07:00

EA was one of the wonderful girls who was on the Honduras trip. In one of our devos, EA shared an experience from when we visited the school of the blind, and it touched my heart and opened my eyes to something I didn't see before.

Her story....
We visited the School of the Blind and with the money that was suppose to go to their lunch, it went to icecream for them instead. EA said she was sitting next to a little girl at the table who was trying so desperately to eat her icecream. But everytime she would try to put the spoon up to her mouth, she just couldn't get the icecream into her mouth and it would fall. After watching this little girl try over and over again to get that wonderful icecream into her mouth, EA finally said "help" in Spanish. The little girl stopped what she was doing and handed over spoon to allow EA to feed her the icecream. This little girl was able to enjoy the wonderful icecream because she allowed EA to help her. After she told her story, she asked us, "How many times have we tried to do something over and over again and failed, and God is just standing there beside us saying "help?" And how many times have we refused his help and tried to do it our way? If the little girl had refused EA's help she might have never gotten to enjoy the icecream. If we would just relinquish our control and allow God to feed us when we need help, our outcomes will usually be happier and a lot less messy. Why is that so hard to do!??

Hearing this story made me think how many times I've tried to do it on my own and how my way never works. It is so hard for us to relinquish control but we have to remember that He knows what's best for us and that He has a plan for all of us.

One Word: Honduras

2009-03-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

Honduras. All I can say is...amazing.

Never before had I been on a mission trip. I always had these visions of mission trips that consisted of horrid living conditions I would have to stay in, food that would make even the strongest stomach weak and no air conditioning (I am a very hot natured person and if I'm hot in a confined space, I go a little nuts!). Now I know I sound like a diva, but I promise I'm not. But yes you can say I'm a little bit ....spoiled. And I'm not very "outdoorsy" either.

SOOOO...needless to say, it was a bit of a shock when people heard I was going on a mission trip...especially on my last spring break..EVER.

I suppose my intentions were right for going. I haven't exactly had the best year. I messed up.. I messed up pretty bad. So instead of spending hundreds of dollars on alcohol like I have so many other spring breaks, I decided to do something good for the same amount of money to make up for my big mistake.

Whatever my intentions were...God wanted me there. Obstacles stood in my way that almost prevented me from going. The trip was almost cancelled because we lacked the amount of money needed. No matter what happened...He provided. For some reason He wanted me there...He wanted all of us there!

Preparing for my first mission trip, I didn't know what to expect. I only knew about three or four people out of the 32 that were going. Would they accept me? Yes, I drink...are they going to judge me? Has anybody made big mistakes like I have? All these questions were running through my mind...I almost had the mindset that I was unworthy to be with these people, like I needed to be reborn before I could go. Well that is totally NOT true. No matter who you are or where you are in life, you're worthy. Period the end...you're worthy! But you're especially worthy of a mission trip. You just don't understand until you go! (FYI..I get ADD when I'm writing and go off on mini tangents)

Back to my point..
With all of these questions lingering, luckily, I had one of my dearest friends (Ruthie) who was also going on the trip that eased my mind and assured me that the people going had their struggles just like everyone else, and I would not be judged. I believed her but believe me, I didn't go straight for the drinking stories to make conversation in the beginning.

I went in with an open mind, not knowing what to expect. The one thing I was really excited about was for a whole week I had to wear very little make up and not worry about picking out an outfit to go out in...because that causes way more stress than is necessary in my life. It was just going to be simple...t-shirts, jeans and scrubs. Ahhh can't get much better than that! :)

After an extremely long day/night of flying, we went straight into the village, Mirador, which is extremely poor. When we pulled into the village, I saw first-hand true poverty. I cried. It was instant humbling. The children stood in excitement, waving and running towards our bus. They were covered in dirt, with uncombed hair and torn clothing. But they didn't care...they didn't know any better. They were just so excited to see us!

Riding the trusty yellow school bus to the village, I was nervous. I couldn't speak a lick of spanish (still can't) so how was I going to "converse" with these people?! I've always relied on my innate skill to make conversation by continually asking questions. Well that option was out. I was told by dear Ruthie just to love these kids, that's all they needed. So as soon as I stepped out of the bus, I hugged the first child I saw and said "Hola!" And every other child I saw until we walked inside the church, I hugged.

Hugging was a way of life for me in Hondo. When you don't know what else to say or what words to use, just give a hug. So since I didn't take the time to even refresh my memory of any sort of Spanish, I hugged...a lot. But through hugging and not speaking, I saw what it meant to show God's love. Love...that is what it is all about. Through everything that happened over that trip and all the things we did, I think the concept of love stood out the most. Yes we built a house, yes we distributed clothing, yes we served others. But we mostly loved because that's all most of us could do.

The love I felt on this mission trip is hard to explain. I felt God's love through everything. Serving, holding, hugging..it was all about the love. You meet all these wonderful people and children and in a matter of an hour or two hours or more, you feel a connection. I have other stories that I will save for later about the love I felt with the children I met. So many children touched my life while I was there. And yes I will admit, I wanted to be Angelina and adopt three or four of them (Fany, Gustavo, Norman and Sayas) and yes I will be talking about them in great detail later :)

Another vital part that made Honduras amazing for me were the people. Everybody was so accepting of me and never excluded me. It was like I just clicked with them. I haven't felt this instant click with people in a very long time. I realized in my almost four years of college, I've been lacking friendships where I could openly talk about my faith and my struggles. Yes, I've got my friends back in my college town, but I've never felt as if I could talk about my faith with them because the people around me wouldn't understand. But I found people in Honduras who I could have fun with and be myself, but also praise and love the Lord with too. He put them in my life for a reason.

Coming back to the states, was bitter sweet. No I didn't want to leave but then again, I wanted my stomach to return to normal, and I knew the only way would be that of American food. Dang my sensitive stomach! Two weeks later, I still miss it..my stomach doesn't. I miss the children. I miss the whole group being together.

But when I returned back to my college town, I realized something had happened and was and is still happening. God changed my heart. While I was there, I had no desire to confess my sins and be reborn in Him. I just wanted to be in His presence and love. I honestly didn't even read my Bible that much while I was there. But when I came back, I realized it put a lot of things in perspective for me. It makes you realize what's important and what's even worth it anymore.

Now if anybody is even reading this, you might be thinking "spiritual high." I honestly thought that at first too. But this is different. I'm thinking differently. I'm wanting different things.

Before I left for Honduras, a friend of mine told me that it would change my life. I can attest that I am not the same person who left for Honduras three weeks ago. It's making wonder what my purpose is. Am I suppose to be doing something with Honduras in my career? I do know one thing that is for sure...and that is that I am going back. It's all up to Him, but if it's in His will, I will be there this summer.

I do want to point out too that I haven't completely eliminated my social life either. I admit, I love going out and hanging out with people. And yes I will admit, I really like my beer and I continue to drink it. But my mindset has change. I'm not concentrating so much on the drinking, but instead just going out and having fun and dancing! I still have my struggles..it's just more of how I'm dealing with them now. (PS-Any girl that reads this needs to read Captivating..amazing book!)

In concluding this ridiculously long blog, I am just trusting in Him. If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for me. And say a prayer for the people in Honduras. Just pray.

Go Hondo.