My Fast: Day 2

Depression overtook me on the second day. I stuck to my liquid diet, and allowed myself some chicken broth at lunch. Work was busy as usual, and it kept my mind off my hunger pains. Now looking back...work is not suppose to keep my mind off my hunger pains, spending time with God and reading the word is! I was trying to do it on my own..MY strength...
MY way.

I could tell I was not myself that day. I was so down, and I could not bring myself up. I continued about my day, spent some time with God and went to bed.

As you can tell, I just was not getting it.

My Fast: Morning of Day 2

My second morning has not been too bad... so far. Of course, I am only an hour into it :) I woke up earlier than normal and was actually somewhat awake. I devoted the time when I would normally be drinking my coffee and eating breakfast to praying and reading the word. I will admit, my mind kept going to that coffee!

My stomach is growling like a lion and making noises that I didn't know it could make. I'm not that hungry, but I am a little shakey and weak. We'll see how irritable I am once I am around people!

I am going to try to do only water and juices today, and I pray the Lord will give me the strength to do my job with more energy and a better attitude than normal. I have to remember...I am working for the Lord, not for man (Col. 3:23)!

My Fast: Day 1

I woke up this morning and my first thought went straight to coffee. And then I realized I couldn't have any. I think that stressed me out more than the not eating! I had to wake up early to drive to Birmingham for church, and I was going on very little sleep. As the morning progressed, I developed a bad headache, was extremely naucious (I guess from being hungry!? who knows!) and I was extremely tired. I was only a few hours into it, and all I could keep thinking was HOW am I going to do this? I am so weak!

On the way to Birmingham, I tried to mentally prepare myself of the sweet aroma of coffee that would be surrounding me when going into the church building. As soon as I walked in the doors, my nostrils were hit by that wonderful, freshly brewed smell of coffee. Every where I turned, a person had a cup in their hands...they even displayed it on the screen at church!

OK, so can you tell I am a coffee addict!?!?

The sermon at church was absolutely wonderful, but I could not control my thoughts of coffee and my hunger. I realized how much my life revolves around food! My mind kept jumping to, "where are we going to eat lunch after church?" And then I would realize, wait no, we won't be going anywhere to eat. So much of my life revolves around when my next meal or cup of coffee is going to be. This is most definitely a lifestyle change.

On the way back to Montgomery, I was miserable. I could not comprehend 21 days of no food. All I was going to try to do is get through today. I didn't know (and still don't!) if I had the strength to do it. So I came to a decision and goal...If I cannot completely go 21 days without food, each day I am going to fast something, whether it be a meal, social media or eating only fruits and vegetables. I feel it is so important to utilize these 21 days and to become closer to the Lord. But either way, I'm taking it one day at a time!

So after reflecting on my day, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Granted, I did sleep for four hours, and I have watched TV a bit much. The crazy thing is that I can still always find something to distract me from the Lord. That's something I have to work on.

But right now, the hunger pains are occurring and my stomach is growling, but I'm not suffering. I've drank some yummy cranberry juice :) One day down!

I am very worried about myself physically and mentally tomorrow for work. I was able to sleep today, but I definitely will not be able to do that tomorrow. I am praying for strength and for me to resist temptation!

Well, until tomorrow! God Bless!

Giving it ALL to Him

So now the graduation countdown is four days. All that has been on my mind is finding a job and my future. What the heck am I going to do!? How am I going to make my own money and truly be independent? I feel I am at this incredibly amazing time in my life where I can do anything...go anywhere, yet I'm at a standstill. I'm stuck in between a world that is safe and that I know (college) and a world of unknown, independence and adventure.

In the past couple of months, God has revealed to me how much I like to have control of my life...well at least in certain aspects. The weird thing is, I'm not a controlling person when it comes to other people, just my life. The angst and anxiety of not knowing where I will be living or what I would be doing has driven me crazy! I want to know NOW.

Knowing that I should not worry and that God will provide in His time has been one of my greatest challenges while working on my relationship with Christ in the past few months. I know I'm not suppose to worry...but I struggle with it everyday. With my constant back-and-forth struggle of worrying and giving it to Him, it made me realize...I think this is a way for God to draw me closer to Him. This period of "the unknown" leaves me feeling helpless, and in turn, makes me Seek Him. I probably sound like a crazy person in my room at night because I will just sit there and talk to Him (yes, out loud) about what I'm struggling with.

Today, I have been studying...reading...e-mailing...and yes constantly thinking about who I can contact to discuss jobs and connections. I'm just sitting here waiting for a sign that basically says, "Elizabeth...this is the job you need to apply for and this is where you will live and prosper." Yeah I know that ain't happening.

But this morning, something clicked..and maybe it will just last for a day...but I just decided I'm not going to worry and I'm giving it to you, Lord. I had a sense of peace about me. Then, as I listened to Christian stations on Pandora Radio (which completely rocks!!!!), the song that speaks to me more than most came on: "Spoken For." It didn't give me any answers, but it let me know He has my heart and He is and will always be there for me. From there, I just felt I needed to read my Bible. I literally flipped it open to a random page, and there underlined from previous reading was Matthew 6:33-34.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

He is so awesome. He truly spoke to me through that verse. So my challenge today is to be without worry and to seek Him.

Graduation

Graduation is soon approaching. I am sitting here at AK's, about to go to my last class EVER at Auburn University. I knew this day was coming but now it's here. I don't know how to feel.

This is one of the most surreal times in my life. I am filled with excitement not to have to worry about studying for exams, doing projects and worrying about grades, yet I still question if I'm ready for the "real world."

Graduating high school was filled with excitement and a knowledge of where I was going and what I would be doing. I was going to be on my own..sort of...atleast out of my house and not living under my parents. I would be going to Auburn in the fall and I would go to school, go to football games and do all the other things college students do.

Graduating college is also filled with excitement, and much relief, but the knowledge of where I'm going and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life leaves me with an uneasy feeling. The days of skipping class and going to the pool, or taking a nap in the middle of the day are over. Am I really ready to be in the working world where I will be basically for the rest of my life?

The economy has not helped my uneasiness either. I was preparing to be independent and support myself...to finally lift some of the financial burden I put on my parents. Well with constant rejections from all the companies and organizations that I sent my resume to or applied to, I was starting to wonder what if I can't find a job? I'm young, I'm single and this is the time of my life where I can do ANYTHING and go ANYWHERE. Yet I had the sinking feeling (and still do) that I will have to go back home, continued to be supported by my family and fall into the comfort of home. This is where my patience and trust in God has been tested.

I have all these plans..where I want to go (Birmingham), what I want to do (well I still really don't know that but I just know I want a job in Bham). But I have to remember, it's not about me and what I want. I have been praying, and I ask anybody who is reading this to pray for me too, so that I find a job that I love and for Him to put me in a place that I can do great things.

This period in life of the unknown and what my future holds is exciting and probably one of the only times in my life where I only have to think about me. I will eventually get married (Lord willing) and have kids and that time will be all about my husband and my children. But now is MY time, and I pray that God gives me adventure and takes me out of my comfort zone to truly find myself and do what I am meant to do! Until that time, I will enjoy my last simplistic days as a college student and wait for what God has in store for me.

Lessons Learned

I chose to name this blog "The Voice of Truth" because that's who I've been trying to listen to. I've become aware lately that for so long I've been listening to the devil as he has put thoughts and ideas in my head. It scares me how easily we believe what he says. For so long, I had the desire to change my life and have my relationship with Christ. But the thought that kept going through my head was, "You know you're going to fail. No matter what, you can't see yourself without the partying. What are you going to do?" And I believed it! Now I can identify it was the evil one, but before it's just a concept I struggled with.

I haven't blogged lately. And there is a reason. I did come down off of my "high." I will admit it. The first week after Honduras, it was great. Nothing could bring me down. I was living for Him and immersed myself in Him. Week two brought loneliness. I felt so alone in a place I've lived in for four years. However, in this pit of loneliness, it made me turn to God. I read my books and my Bible, I had great "me" time and I felt I was being "successful" in my walk with God.

Then week three. I lost sight. I was tired of feeling lonely, and I wanted to prove that I was still fun and hadn't become a complete loser. However the fun I was longing to have did not bring the same feelings of fulfillment the following day like it had in the past. Yes, I sinned. I messed up, but we do that everyday. My goal that week was not to let the sin and the devil drag me down. The devil wants our guilt and shame to weigh us down. I still wanted to prove that I could control myself and still have fun. So I finally allowed myself to be free and linger somewhat back to "the old days."

Have you ever felt like you could never be forgiven for something you did? Or you kept replaying something over and over again that you've done in your head. Well this occurred to me this past weekend. I layed in bed all day Saturday, playing the event(s) over and over in my head. I was depressed. I knew in my heart God had already forgiven me but I felt I deserved to sit there and punish myself by thinking about it. I lay there thinking how well I had been doing and how it all seemed to come crashing down in one night.

I would like to say that later that day, I allowed the burden to be lifted...but I didn't. I still read from the Bible and my Christian books, but the relationship with Him was not there. Finally, on Wednesday afternoon, something gave. I felt the loneliness again when nobody would answer my phone calls to go to the field with me. It was there, by myself in the field, that I came to recognize God's heart. HE created us. HE wanted us on this earth. He loves us so much that he sent HIS son to die a horrible death on the cross for OUR sins. Yes, he wants us to live in His way and His word, but most importantly....HE WANTS OUR HEARTS. It's that simple. He has conquered sin. I've heard that SO many times in my life but now it has finally started to settle in.

We are going to sin everyday, and no sin is bigger than the other. He wants us to love him and have a relationship with Him and THAT is what it's all about. AMEN!

When He Calls on Us

This morning I went to AK's Coffee for my normal morning coffee and to do some reading. I've become quite a regular, so regular that David, the man who runs the shop, knows my order without me even saying it. I love it!

As I was reading, I couldn't help but over hear the conversation between him and another customer about the Zoe Adoption Fund. I heard something about raising money for adoption and immediately I became intrigued. I think adoption is amazing. After visiting Honduras, I am sure I will be adopting a Honduran baby in my future.

Driven by my curiousity, I went up to the counter and asked about the ZoeFund. He explained that he and his wife were trying to adopt a baby from the area and were going to name her Zoe. To adopt costs thousands of dollars, and so the Zoe Adoption Fund was set up to get this baby girl. He then handed me a card with the address to their blog and told me that I could read their story on the blog.

As soon as I got home I went to their blog because I was so intrigued. Their story gave me chills. David and his wife already had a child, but God spoke to them individualy and called them to adopt a baby. And so they started the process.

This amazes me. The Lord calls us to do things we do not understand and sometimes don't know if we have the strength to do. A husband and wife with a beautiful little girl were called to adopt a baby that was going to cost them thousands of dollars. Without knowing exactly how they were going to pay for it, they trusted in Him and followed through.

Our human nature is to say "Lord, there's no way!" David and his wife could have said "Sorry Lord, there is no way we can afford it." But they didn't. They trusted him and knew somehow He would provide.

I mean....how AWESOME is that!? We should ALL be that trusting. When God calls, we should listen and trust because He knows best!

That story just touched my heart today and had to share it!!!

Visit their blog and read their amazing story!! Zoe Adoption Fund